Alpha

I am in a love/hate relationship with religion.  I love that God loves me.  I hate it when people make it complicated and I have to start thinking about it in terms that are new or are not quite clear to me.  I don’t like being on the receiving side of questions that are challenging or perhaps incapable of being answered.

Tonight I was at Alpha group for the third week in a row, but it was only the second week where we actually talked in groups.  Tonights video segment/discussion was about Jesus and sin.  How he died and sin was taken away.  I get that, alright.

I guess one of my problems is that I feel like I am moving backwards instead of forwards and that by moving backwards, my thoughts and ideals are being challenged or questioned in someway that I don’t like.  Which is good, because I want to always keep an open mind because that’s how you grow in anything.  But it is bad because it is like being in school and the professor calls on you with a question that you don’t quite know how to answer, but he is going to let you struggle your way through it anyway not using the proper terminology.

The question that threw me tonight was “How do you feel about the word ‘crucifixion?’” Alright so my mind immediately pulls up whatever conotations I have associated with it in the past.  Which apparently isn’t much because I was sort of drawing a blank nuetral stance on the word by itself.  Alright, it’s just a word for hanging a person on the cross–I have never experienced it and it isn’t practiced today so I guess you can see why a nuetral responce could be formulated in my head.

But if you talk about the crucifixion of Jesus–like they did tonight in the video segment, then totally new images come to mind.  It was described so graphically tonight, that I had been wondering what I had been hearing in church for all these years.  Come on, if we are going to talk about it in church, then why not talk about it right.  Why do I have to find myself in a class for beginners in Christianity to actually gain a better understanding of the crucifixion of Christ?  Doesn’t it seem awkward that I was raised a Christian but feel under educated?

Something is wrong.  Which is probably a good reason to be in the class–even though I already belive, it is challenging me to a better understanding.  But at the same time I feel like something is lacking.  When I was at Drexel I was in a group that prayed.  A lot.  For each other.  And at times I found it sappy, but I have really come to appreciate it and respect it.  I find that now that I am part of a group again and that we are not doing the action of praying–because it is an introduction group and not everyone may be comfortable with it–I feel that something is lacking.

Alright so obviously I feel more confident in one area of Christianity than another.  But back to the word crucifixion.  The conotatoins that came up were those impressed in me by my mother.  Basically that on Good Friday when Jesus was dying, you should be quiet in reverance to him.  Usually my mom made us be quiet and reflect from noon to three.  But I guess I never really grasped that until tonight.

I still feel like I need to be involved more in prayer.

Missions Projects

I was in church today.  And my mind was wondering.  Like it always does.  Maybe if I was good at skateboarding I would pull a double kick flip off the alter, or if it was covered in snow, try the rail with my snowboard, hey that girl over there looks really good, the minister is talking about something to do with Jesus, I’m really hungry, when is this going to be over, wait… is he talking about Indonesia?  Cool, I wish I could go there…

Today the sermon was all about mission trips and how they spread the word of Christ.  Yes, I am a Christian, but I have to agree with my father, at least a little bit when he said, “I don’t understand why we go over there and try and convert these people when they have a religion that is working for them already.  I wouldn’t be happy if someone came and tried to convert me.”  I mean, it makes a lot of sense.  I wouldn’t want someone coming up to me and trying to tell me the benefits of becoming Hindu or Buddhist.  Why are we going and medling in their lives?  It is one thing to talk to a friend who has lost their way, it is another to try and convert someone who already is happy.

But herin lies the problem.  In Christianity you are supposed to share the word of Christ.  Become “fishers of men” if you will.  You are supposed to go out and spread the word.  But to what extent?  No one put guidelines in the Bible that says, “Go out and talk to people who are willing to hear the message and are not already set in their ways.”

I don’t have a problem talking about religion with people who are naturally curious, people who I deem need guidance because of lack of religion, or people I’ve known for awhile and just want to argue about religion.  I wouldn’t have a problem going over to countries to do service projects–build houses, do physical labor, help out, whatever.  But I don’t want to go over and be like, “Hey, I built you a house.  Now listen to me grill you about Christ and what he’s done for you, for half an hour.”  I would be more comfortable with going over and building the house and then leaving some literature about what I stand for.  Sure through the grace of God, people will read it and formulate their own ideas.  I just gave the initial bump.

…maybe they will let me go and I could take photos of the projects, I want to get out of here early so I don’t have to wait in all the traffic, what was I watching on T.V. last night, where did my iPod go?, whoa someone is texting me, pass the offering plate, oh yeah I was watching SNL, wow that girl still looks good…